I am a small boy..beautiful...running..beautiful place....village...rivers...same place...
(recalls loving that place on recent visit...wanted so much to go...insisted on going..visited same place recently)
little grown up...small home..not very old times...well made simple house,fields,animals,rivers,waterfalls,very loving parents...loving father..proud of me( crying I ,do so much now,in present life but parents still not proud)
nt sure of religion..loving only son...peace in valley..
feeling strange...
now I am 22 yrs..my wife is there,no burqa, me kurta pyjama
5-6 boys...we start from village in morning, have tiffin....going on a trip...wife is upset
started walking
snowy path, we are fit...strong shoes...thick clothing...shawl
head also covered...going in masti
waterfall...some stones are fallng...narrow path
reached top...small shop..other ppl
there too
sitting eating
2 pm
very happy
carefree..no worries
most ppl r leaving..shop closing
argument someone hit me with a stick
back of head
evening
my hand on neck of a boy , person i am fighting with is stronger
open wound in snow
alive
sinking
dark...alone...unconscious...can see peer ka majar
(go back)
six ppl' guy said smthing..i felt bad...he is blaming bt i hv nt done it...holding his braid...m very angry...he became angry...guys trying to separate..used to talk to sister...i didnt..father was caring n disciplined...fr my happiness father sent...
took a stick at back of head..fell down in snow..cant see..trying to see if i m ok...home is far..saw blood.
drgging me throwing down the mountain..can see majar.
falling down alive...threw the snow which was blood stained also
got more hurt...whole body...so good home ppl all lost
can see body, broken,scratched broken night nowbody still aching..
now peaceful because no ppl...only nature here...no one will find me...they will lie...no one will know can see the place where i had lain..can see majar
(relive)-
neck broken..neck lifeless, numb because of cold..spasm because...giddiness cant see...they thought he is dead..cant take me down...one he threw took decision...
back broken head hit in falling...very badly hurt..
only pain...going home..night..boys haven't reached..ppl waiting..mom is numb..wife is crying..father is feeling gulity sad..why let him go?some ppl started search..snowing so very diiff..father going to search..mom nt letting no..wht will happen to us...still watching confused...body is there i m stuck...moning..very pitiful now detachment worried..pareshan..now its not my place..looking at my body...my beautiul face is hurt..eyes closed..face hurt..want to leave this area...detached n confused where to go/ blue light following the light...going very fast...leave the area completely..now i am light...journey still long...attached to light..now pink..feeling detached..nothing matters...nt finishing.
feel smting in heart..discomfert
parralel to light now..vastness of white and i am inside..very happy difficult to leave the family n place..bt i am happy ....was stuck there..help came to me...everything perfect and i had to leave that...needed to learn leave things even if they are perfect..patterns betwn two lives-when i was dying...all love i had to leave...clinging even after death...confusion..felt i had to go...light came and i went with it..here i hv given a lot......detachment is there......here all you can leave...
I am in light ,light healing my energy body.I am .alone in light...here also ...now i ..stop searching..for someone to be with me now...
silence......now I .would hv to leave attachment to blue light........ultimately merge..so we will all be to together ....