If you think...Why this happens to me ????...Read the answer...
I am
asked this question all the time: “Why am I attracted to people who are wrong
for me?” And the answer is quite simple, actually: because it is your wounded
self that is doing the attracting.
Now, I
know the term “wounded self” can sound a little intense, so let me explain. We
all have two selves: the “little self” (or the wounded self, the ego) & the
“Spiritual Self” (the higher self, adult self, or soul).
The
wounded self is the part of you that feels incomplete. It questions your worth
& value; it doesn’t feel whole, or it feels flawed in some way. My wounded
self is the “little me” who wonders if I’m truly lovable.
On the
other hand, we also have a Spiritual Self. This is your higher self, your soul.
It’s the part of you that is connected to love, truth, wisdom & peace
within. Your Spiritual Self knows, without a doubt, how lovable & valuable
you are. In many ways, it’s the opposite of the ego.
At any
given time, we are operating from one of these two selves. Many of us,
unfortunately, operate from the viewpoint of the ego most of the time. That is,
we believe we’re insignificant & powerless in some way, & we’re trying
to make up for this lack.
The ego
looks for things on the outside to find validation & completion. It
believes once it gets more (money, a better partner, a better job, a better
house, more vacations, etc…) it will finally be happy.
But …
it is never happy. Not for long, anyway. Because the ego’s very nature is to
feel incomplete. Therefore when you live through the perspective of your ego,
you are destined to feel like something is missing. Life through this lens is
not fun.
The ego
gets highly activated when it comes to romantic relationships, because
relationships are where we hold the most wounds.
We have
all felt disappointed or hurt by a relationship in the past; we carry the
memory of this wound into adulthood (sometimes unconsciously). If a wound from
childhood is still active within you, you will attract people who are going to
highlight the same feeling. For example, if your wounding is centered around the
feeling of rejected or unseen, it is likely that you will feel similar way in
your relationships as an adult.
Your
unconscious is programmed to attract people who activate your wounds. The
reason for this is so you will grow.
This is
a frustrating part of the growth process! But think of it this way: You are
replaying your wounds so you can finally heal them. We cannot heal anything we
don’t feel or see; we can’t heal things that are unconscious! The uncomfortable
feeling has to come to the surface for you to grow beyond it.
And how
do you grow beyond it? - By identifying with your higher self.
Remember,
your higher self is the part of you that knows the truth about you. It knows
that you are worthy, amazing, capable & powerful. Through the lens of the
higher self, you are whole. Yes, you are an imperfect human with flaws; but the
larger truth is: you are a soul.
You are
beautiful.
You are
important.
You are
special.
You are
love.
This is
what the higher self knows about you — & it wants you to know it, too.
By
identifying with your higher self (the love within you), your compulsion to
play out wounds with other people dissipates & in some cases, disappears.
When
you wake up to the higher self’s truth, you suddenly realize that the “wrong”
people were just teachers to nudge you into the “right” state-of-mind; a
state-of-mind that does not question your value or worth. Unfortunately,
nothing inspires us to grow more than a broken heart.
Your
higher self wants you to identify with it; it wants you to own who you really
are. Reclaim the love within you, and you will heal your relationships from the
inside-out.
