I reached the Vandana Clinic with a dozen questions
and was ready to unfold my past life , bring back learning and to
know more. I felt there was something holding
me back.
The session started short enough after the
initial consultation and I saw myself being a short Man walking up some stoned
stairs , On the way i saw a white man, many be European , maybe american, i knew
i know him but could not recognize him.
Another few moments i knew i was a Monk
going up the stairs of a Monestary.I did not know how old i was , it felt i had
a timeless age, a face that no one could know my age.
Next scene was that i was in front of a huge
Golden statue of Buddha, everyone was sitting and meditating , it was evening
and everyone was doing a form of prayer/meditation , i had a wooden stick when
i was climbing the stairs but now i had kept that aside, i was not seated like
others , i was dting the bell ritual, and the drums, the noise sound was
echoing , very serene, there were 12-14 of us only.
There was also another Monk whose attire
was different in colour , he was elder and was seated facing us, he was heading
that monastery . after i finished my duty , i joined everyone else in the row
but i was bending my head too low, as if hiding something and i started to feel
the physical pain in my neck as well. I was seeing myself as very mysterious.
Next scene was that I saw i am sitting in
the meditation mudra , My room was the room that had access to the store so i would
take the help of the quilts and some tick material to ensure the dim light of
diya is not showing outside, and even the bells were not heard , and then would
practice this technique for hours and hours , this was my secret.
Next was the scene were i had learnt this
practice, there was a room where the very old scripts were kept and i was the
one who was given teh duty of cleaning that room , the script was always closed
but one day while cleaning i realized that it was open , it was the holy book ,
really big in size. That day i happen to see a page where this technique was
explained, I would go only once in a month to clean so i noted the page no and
next time i brought a very different writing tool with me and noted down that
technique and i promised myself that i would never do that and peep into that
book again. That book had many answers
and it was the true script about all other sciences and all mysteries of the
world but it was kept under lock and key as it could have been misused. Some
techniques that would give super human abilities etc. I felt since that page
was open , so i was destined to learn that technique.
I used to wear wooden slippers and a safron
colour cloth wrapped around me.
The practice i would follow was that i
would apply a particular type of oil made of a violet/purple extract, legs
would be folded, i would make a mudra . before i would start i would ring the Buddhist bell nonstop for a long period
and then many many divas or oil lamps would be lit up.
I suddenly knew why i bowed so much all the
time and why i was hiding my for head, it was because of the person who was the
head of our monastery , would come to know that
i was practicing .. He knew it all this while,
he had thought someone had to carry that knowledge but was watching me at the
same time, he also knew i was guilty of what i was doing but something was not
letting me stop, that practice was my passion. He called me and told me he knew
what i was doing but he made me take a woe that i would never misuse it or tell
anyone about it. After that woe i
realized i could not use it or talk about it and decided that i would leave the
monastery but i would still come back before the evening prayers , I would every
day go near a lake, later on I knew it was called the “Holy lake “ and meditate
for hours, have only fruits , i would make a point to take a dip in that water
which was freezing cold. In a while i realized i could read people’s mind.
Next scene was when that European guy came
back to meet me and before he could ask the question , i gave him teh answers,
he asked me to teach him , by now i knew who he was , he was burt goldman.
I was called once again by the chief of the
monastery and he asked me to promise that i would never misuse my abilities, I
asked him about the ancient script and he told me , one day i would know it all
and i should not be in a hurry. I bowed to him and left the room. Before i left
he told me that every Wednesday i should go back to him before evening prayer
between 3-4 and he would read out the parts of the script to me that he thinks
i can understand, i was thrilled and overjoyed.(I was crying out of joy), he
also told me i need to work on everything and not only on one aspect. He
indicated i should work on myself and ensure my aura is big enough that by just
being there i can be a giver and i can help the people in pain. He said if you
want to be a leader and in my place, you
should know a leader is a giver, work on yourself, he said what you are doing
is too much about yourself , that is good but not enough.He said my child you
have a long way to go and now you know how to go . He said be in nature, be
wise, you can not teach everything to everyone, do good but do it the right way
, those who are supposed to come to you , they would.
After i left i started to understand
everything better, more aware and more sure , i also wished that i spent 13
years on only one skill and i wish i had worked on all aspects but i decided
that i would share my knowledge and finally i left the monastery for good, it
was too much discipline, i felt a balance life was required. I left and started
to work on my aura and all other aspects and capabilities,I would sit by the
lake and meditate for hours and then write some notes on all these disciplines
and some herbs and herbal medicines, . People with ailment and problems would come to me for
treatment. I was no more going to monastery , in my last Wednesday class he
allowed me to follow any discipline i wanted and had allowed me to talk to
people. So i had started to interact with people, they would come for answers,
i had even stopped wearing the saffron color cloth and i would wear while
cloth wrapped around me. I also started to see my aura’s color changing, it
was an amazing feeling.
In between i would get messages, i felt i
had started to know that it was more important to be on the right path than to
be the Lama, more important to live the right way , and suddenly i knew my
name, my name was Mahansa. Another beautiful message was it was not important
to know all of that book , it was important to have control on self and know
myself and i would know everything. I now had long hair and long beard and
would carry a very different form of stick , it was always in my right hand, by
now the notes i had started to store had become a tick book , that too was
always with me, it was my path to oneness. The book was my creation , instead
of just telling people it was better to write so that many could benefit , the
book read 1087, the year .
Next scene was when i saw myself old but
very healthy and strong , i would only eat raw vegetables and fruits, I also do
some form of Yoga, All these practices were before
dust , after sunset i would not do anything. Next scene was when i was entering
the monastery from the back gate, i wanted to meet the new Lama, he had respect
for me.
The next scene was when i saw a small
child, a boy was sitting with me, i know him but i could not recognize at that
time. I also saw that i taught many techniques to the american.
I follow the same old pattern of meditation on that day.
Everyone in the village knows that so on that day no one comes to meet me and i
go to the other side of the lake in d forest and do that meditation. I would sit
for so long that my body and specially knees would start aching.
Next scene was on a full moon day , i knew
my time has come, sat under my favorite tree, ready to depart . Suddenly that small boy came . That child was crying ,
few people had gathered, i realized that people were saying man in
now dead, then i saw the monks and the Lama
they are coming to do the rituals. The village head was talking to Lama
, they did not know if they can do the rituals or the Monks should do it ..
I could now feel either i was in Tibet or
Nepal. , Dr.Vandana asked me to
move above but I could not , on the last day of my life i had got attachments,
attached to that little boy who i now recognized, he was my soul mate. With the
help of loving lights I moved up but i was sad, i did not live a full life, i
never knew what were emotions. I was also very furious and angry at myself that
after so much work on self just because of the attachment i developed i had to
come back again.
