Why I need to find love?  Why I cannot find love in this life?

Session…..

There is a home. I am alone sleeping on a bed. I am wearing 18^th century dress, a white skirt. There is fire place and bed is comfortable. There is a rug next to my bed. I see a servant girl sleeping there.

It is morning. I am having breakfast with my son. He is going to for some work. I am preparing for a dinner party. The home is big and ancient. There is lot of wine roasted meat and vegetables. It is some cold country. I am very happy as my husband is also here. He works at some other place. He brought me flowers. He visits us on holidays. After party we went to the room. He talks a lot. We are happy.

Next day, he is leaving. I am depressed. I feel very alone. My husband says he will work for few years more. I started feeling things will not change. I told him not to go but he said that this was your idea. We decided that I will go and work and you will stay back as staying in big city is expensive for us. My name is Catherine.

I am sitting all alone.  My son went for the work. Today I am very depressed and thinking about my life. I am from a rich family. My husband came to our home for house hold work. He was simple and good. I liked him and wanted to marry him. My mother did not approve of our marriage but when I forced she agreed. I was 18 and it was simple church marriage. Later on my mother always blamed herself for saying yes to my marriage. My husband loves me but I am very unhappy due to present circumstances. Today I am alone in this home. It is afternoon. No one is there. I took a knife and cut my wrist. I am in my late 30s. My life was comfortable but empty. I was sad to leave my son behind and not able to change circumstances. My last thought was that my life and death both are pointless. Before going to light the lesson I learnt that do not focus on what is not there but focus on what you have. I am feeling that my husband is sad and angry with me at the time of my burial. The son is my present life daughter. Now I also have a feel that I did not value the love. I should have valued my husband’s love for me. I lacked the patience. Now I am in light I feel tremendous peace.