A 33 year old woman came to understand reason of her sadness for unknown reasons.
Session….
I am meditating sitting on a high stone rock. I am looking at the Sun and saying Namaste to Sun. I collect my stuff and walk down the rock. I am wearing a white Dhoti, a white thread and Rudraksh Mala. I feel so much energized. My head is completely shaven except for a black Choti at the back. My body and brain both are refreshed. I have beautiful black eyes and fair skin tone. As I am walking towards my house I see villagers paying me respect saying “Namaskar”. I am enjoying my status and everything around me.
I see a girl running. A couple of people are trying to catch her. I run towards her without giving a second thought and she comes towards me. As I reach her, I signaled her to come behind me and covered her. She touched my back while hiding behind me. I felt instant attraction towards her. People following her are in front of me but they leave as they respect me. I bring the girl home. We do not talk on the way.
My mother is at home and she gives her food. She looks at me constantly. I am attracted to her. After few days of living at our home one day she came upstairs in my room. She said she wants to marry me. I was shocked but confused as I was a saint. But I was attracted towards her also. She feels safe with me. She is bold and very straight forward. She is very clear in her mind but I am confused about marriage. I leave the home in confusion. I came back in the evening and found her in my room waiting for me. I hugged her passionately and said yes.
We are getting married. Marriage is over. Suddenly few villagers carrying lathis in their hands came to our house. I realized I have lost their respect because of this marriage. They are very angry with me. I do not know anything about her and the situation she was in. I married her due to attraction and the situation we were in. We did not judge each other. It was only love but it was not enough for the society. The villagers almost beat me to death but I do not feel the pain. They took her away to the river. Somehow I ran behind them but they drown her in front me. I could not do anything. She died in the river. I also thought of drowning myself as I did not want to live any more but did not do it. I spent days and nights on the river bank, just sitting helpless and sad. And then I came back to my home.
I am little older, two young boys are running around the house and smile at me. I often see them in my home and around. I feel they are growing with me. I spent all my life without purpose and in sadness. Just thinking that I could not live my life my way I lost all my mental and physical beauty. I lived neither like a saint nor a family man. I am sad, have no interest and liveliness. I felt failure inside. I died in sadness.
Guided to light, Lord Shiva blessed her with guidance and energy. She felt very light. She said.. Thank you Doctor Vandana for this wonderful experience. I feel my soul is healed.
